Dear Abby: Not just victim hurt by domestic abuser

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DEAR ABBY: I grew up watching my mom being abused by her husband. It was terrible. Unfortunately, he eventually murdered her.

She was only 36. I was 16 at the time, and although it has taken almost 30 years, I have finally found peace.

My message is to people who are currently experiencing abuse. No one deserves to be battered physically, mentally or emotionally. When people suffer from addiction (alcohol, drugs, etc.), they can get help only when they are ready. However, with domestic violence, the victims must consider not only themselves, but also their children.

If you are a victim of domestic violence, PLEASE get out and get help. — HEALED IN GEORGIA

DEAR HEALED: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your mother at such a tender age.

In her memory, I will again print the phone number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline. It is (800) 799-7233. There is a separate TTY number for individuals who are deaf or hard of hearing. It’s (800) 787-3224. Its website is thehotline.org.

Help is available if victims recognize they need it and reach out.

MORE DEAR ABBY: After I had an affair, my husband forces me to dress like a man After 11 years, I found the strength to have my violent partner arrested I’m scared I’ll be evicted if I report my neighbor’s domestic violence

DEAR ABBY: I enjoy weekly massages from a popular self-employed masseuse. I have a standing appointment.

If I cancel within 24 hours, I understand that I must pay her. However, if I give her more notice, must I still give her some remuneration? We have never discussed it.

I feel bad about canceling, as she may rely on this income, but it’s difficult to pay for the event that requires me to cancel in addition to a massage that didn’t happen. What would you do? — UNSURE IN FLORIDA

DEAR UNSURE: Your masseuse has a 24-hour cancellation policy so when clients can’t keep the appointment, she can fill in the time with someone else. Most personal service professionals understand that from time to time appointments must be skipped or changed.

Because you are worried about her, talk with her about it and ask if she can slot you in at a different time if there’s a schedule conflict. It would be a win-win. She’ll get the money, and you will still have your weekly massage, which, clearly, is important to you or you wouldn’t have a standing appointment.

DEAR ABBY: I am worried about my best friend. She never eats at school, and I don’t think she’s eating at home either.

She’s beginning to get weak. Yesterday we were playing ball in P.E., and when she caught the ball, I saw her wince. I asked her if she was OK, and she said yes, but I’m still worried.

What should I do? — SCARED FOR HER

DEAR SCARED: Talk to your P.E. teacher about the fact that you are worried about your friend and why. She may not be eating because she thinks she needs to lose weight. Or she may have a serious eating disorder.

The teacher will know what to do. Please don’t wait.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order “How to Have a Lovely Wedding.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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