DEAR ABBY: My father began dating four years after my mother passed away from a terrible bout with cancer. He and I have always been close; in fact, I have always considered him to be one of my best friends. But since he started dating he has changed.
I just traveled across the country for a family funeral and discovered that he has a new love in his life, and that he flew her out to see all of our extended family. My dying grandmother got to meet her, but I didn’t even know her name! When I expressed to him that I felt he had cut me out entirely, it made him angry.
Apparently, he and this woman have been dating for almost a year. I had always imagined that when Dad met someone, his kids would be the first people he would want to call and share with. It has been a bitter pill to swallow knowing that my father would so brazenly disregard his daughter.
He told me he didn’t know why he had cut me out and ignored me. But we can’t seem to get over it. We have gone from calling and texting daily to not speaking in months. What was an easy parent/child relationship is now awkward and uncomfortable, and I’m at a loss about how to fix it. — ABANDONED IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DEAR ABANDONED: Having never met your father, it’s hard to guess why he would behave the way he has. That you could have communicated almost daily and have no clue about what was going on makes it obvious that it was no oversight.
Not all “children” are accepting of a new woman in a father’s life, even if he has been widowed for a long time. It’s possible you were kept in the dark because he was afraid of how you would react.
No one can blame you for feeling the way you do. Your father mishandled this, and I am sorry for your pain. A step toward fixing this would be to try to forgive him, and to move forward by telling him you want him to be happy.
DEAR ABBY: When I am in a frenzy preparing to host a party and one of the guests calls a few minutes before arrival time to say they are going to be late, I get really annoyed. I think, please just BE late and don’t bother me when I’m putting the finishing touches on everything or welcoming other guests.
I assume these individuals are trying to be considerate, and if they were the only guest coming, I agree they should call. But if they are one of many, it’s a distraction to have to answer the phone and listen to their excuse.
I don’t know if I’m the only one who gets annoyed when this happens. Am I being ungrateful when someone is trying to be considerate? — FRENZIED IN GEORGIA
DEAR FRENZIED: I think so. Your guest is trying to be polite and is afraid that you will worry. (Fat chance!)
This isn’t an unusual occurrence, but a charming host will not reveal annoyance. It takes only a second to reply, “We’ll see you when you get here!” and get off the phone.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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