DEAR ABBY: I am a 45-year-old divorced father of three. Two of them I share with my ex-wife. We were married for 14 years and have been divorced for 10 years now. Our marriage started falling apart when I became addicted to prescription pain medication. I was using for a couple of years, but I’m sober now.
Our divorce was amicable, and I think we still maintain a great friendship. We call each other occasionally and talk about things other than the kids. After our divorce we both dated and moved in with other people. I am currently single; she’s still in a relationship. She recently called and asked me for advice because she’s not happy in her current relationship.
I have never stopped loving her, but I don’t want to take advantage of her present situation. My kids know how I feel and so do my friends, so she probably does, too. Would it be wrong of me to try to rekindle what we once had, even if there’s the slightest chance of she and her current partner working through their issues? I’m not sure she feels the same way about me as I do her. — TORN IN WISCONSIN
DEAR TORN: When your ex-wife called to tell you things aren’t going well between her and her current partner, she opened the door to you doing what you are contemplating. If they are not married, you have every right to tell her you have never stopped loving her and ask if she might have similar feelings. If she doesn’t, it would be better for you to know that. But if her answer is yes, it would be worth a try.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I always planned on retiring to Florida. Our son, who is married with children, has been diagnosed with a slow-progressing but deadly disease. My husband still wants to move, but now I am not sure. Our son said we should live our life because we worked hard to retire and should go. I don’t know if I could be happy that far away from him and his family now. Please advise. — HESITANT GRANDMA IN OHIO
DEAR HESITANT GRANDMA: I am sorry for the pain you are experiencing regarding your son’s diagnosis. Your husband wants to make the move, and your son has told you he does not want you to change your plans. If it’s financially feasible, it might make sense for you and your husband to rent a place in Florida for a year and, depending upon how well your son is doing, decide later if you want to make it permanent. Perhaps your husband could go ahead without you if you choose to stay behind.
DEAR ABBY: I have just moved into a room in a shared house. I like the location and my three roommates. In the course of my interview, the screening process to see if I’d be a good fit for the house, I neglected to mention that I have a girlfriend. Naturally, I’d like to have her see the place, meet my roommates and sleep over, but I also don’t want to ruffle any feathers or be premature in having company over. When would be an appropriate time to have this discussion with them? — PONDERING IN THE PRESIDIO
DEAR PONDERING: If you want a good relationship with your roommates, NOW would be a good time to raise the subject. If you do, you may be pleasantly surprised to find they have no objection. If they did, they should have mentioned something during your interview.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order “How to Be Popular.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)