Cheryl Lavin: Dating sites help daughters filter out the riff-raff

Is there anything as frustrating as watching someone you love do something stupid? It’s double frustrating when that person is your very own child. You can give them advice, but you can’t make them take it.

Brigitte has two daughters. She says Daughter Number One has never been married, but has been in two long-term relationships.

“They both wound up on the rocks because the guys didn’t want to grow up. They wanted what they wanted, and the rest of the world be damned.

“My husband and I told her, ‘From now on, stop looking for a guy who is almost what you want, thinking he will change because of his desperate love for you. He will not. People are who they are, and change only out of personal desire, which is rare because most people think there’s nothing wrong with them. Including you.’ ”

Her second daughter was married, but got divorced after her husband told her he was glad she’d had a miscarriage because he didn’t want any more responsibility and he was tired of her telling him what to do and what not to do.

“He couldn’t stand her saying things like, ‘No, we cannot afford another TV or vacation or motorcycle or dog. And you can’t stay at the bar until it closes.’

“She’s figured out that if the guy doesn’t know what he ought to do on his own, she should run like the wind, regardless of how cute he is.”

Brigitte’s daughters are in their mid-to-late twenties. They have good jobs, homes of their own, and they meet their responsibilities. What they don’t have is a lot of opportunities to meet new people. Neither is a bar hopper. And Brigitte made them both sit down and watch “Looking for Mr. Goodbar.” So, they, like everyone else, have turned to dating sites.

“Most of the men who reply to my daughters will never end up getting a woman,” says Brigitte.

Why is that?

“Because they don’t’ know that a request to ‘surprise me’ does not mean send me a picture of your privates.

“Because they haven’t learned that when a woman says she likes a man who can take charge, she doesn’t mean ‘take my charge card.’

“Because they don’t know that meeting for drinks does not mean splitting the check.

“Because they don’t understand that if you cannot spell or grasp the fundamentals of punctuation, then U R not for my daughters or women like them.

“Because they haven’t learned that just because a woman says she likes a guy’s guy it doesn’t mean that he should forgo dental floss, showers, deodorant, clean clothes and good manners. Body odor and bad breath are not aphrodisiacs.

“The thing that’s amazing is that none of this is new. At least 30 years ago, one of my girlfriends told me, ‘I’d save myself a lot of time if I just made up a business card that asked: “Do you suspect you have a communicable disease? Are you employed? Do you live with your mother?”

Says Brigitte, “Asking those questions is still a good idea today.”

Do you give your children relationship advice? Do they take it? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com.

And check out my new ebook, “Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front.” COPYRIGHT 2014 CREATORS.COM