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Workers comp data shows Illinois has the most valuable testicles

If you’re a man and suffer a severe injury that results in the loss of a testicle, the next best thing to working for the federal government is living in Illinois, where you’ll get a payout of $73,537 — the highest of any state and far above the national average of $27,678.

The figures come from a report published by ProPublica, which also includes data for federal employees (a lost testicle will net a federal employee $98,108).

But really, we should focus on the state figures, since there are far more people covered under those compensation rates. Plus, since because there is no federal minimum, so each state can set its own rate for workers compensation. How much one receives not only depends on where they live, but what body part is lost.

There can be a huge discrepancy in how much one receives.

For example, Minnesota pays the least for a testicle at $3,750. Overall, the data on testicles is lacking, as 41 states didn’t provide ProPublica with that specific set of data.
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Across the nation, nearly every state has a “schedule of benefits” that ends up dividing the body like a chart explaining the different cuts of beef on a cow.

Nationally, on average, an arm ($169,878) costs more than a leg ($153,221).

In Alabama, an arm is worth up to $48,840, while it’s value in Ohio is $193,950. Illinois comes in at $439,858. In California, a big toe is $6,090, while Oregon pays $90,401. And that’s where the problem lies.

“What’s the difference? You lose your leg, it don’t matter where you lose it,” said Eric Bennett, whose insurer says he’s only entitled to the Alabama max of $44,000 for the leg he lost at a fertilizer mill. “It should be the same. A leg is a leg.”

If you’re looking to waste a significant amount of time at work today — or do some advance scouting if you’re pondering a move — you can check out the full interactive chart here.