Cheryl Lavin: He’s not going to change, so may as well end it

SHARE Cheryl Lavin: He’s not going to change, so may as well end it

Dear Cheryl,

Once my boyfriend and I moved in together, I started using his computer. I found out he was talking to another girl online. We argued, and he deleted her from his address book. He says they were just friends. Then I found out that he was on all kinds of dating sites looking at woman in our area.


I told him I was not going to put up with this — it was either me or these sites.  He gave up the sites.  My problem is I don’t trust him anymore.  I check his phone, the computer, his pockets and his wallet, and I question everything he says.  Even with all the snooping, I’ve come up with nothing, but I still keep digging. Do you think I can ever trust him again?




I don’t think you can. No decent man who is living with a woman talks to other women online and looks at other women on the Internet. Pack your bags.


Dear Cheryl,

I dated my boyfriend for over three years. He never wanted to talk about the future.  Toward the end of our relationship he was unhappy, and I brought out the worst in him. I had had enough and ended the relationship.

Shortly after, I met a new guy who was everything my boyfriend wasn’t. We dated for 18 months. The whole time, I was in contact with my ex who said he loved me and wanted me back. I loved him, too, but I was afraid of getting hurt again.

I broke up with the new guy because I was still in love with my ex. Then my ex asked to marry me, but it wasn’t a formal proposal with a ring.  I told him I didn’t know.

Two weeks ago, we went to lunch.  I told him I wanted us to be a couple again.  He said he wanted to think about it for a month. We spoke the other day, and I found out he’s been dating someone for three months.  He said he doesn’t love her.

I told him I loved him, and he said he loved me.  He said he started dating this person because he figured we’d never get back together. I told him if he stays with her, we can never talk again.  He said if he commits to me, it’s to get married and I told him that if we reunite, it’s forever.  He said he will make a decision within two weeks. Your opinion?




You and your ex have a really sick can’t-live-with-can’t-live-without relationship. It’s never going to work. Never. Never, never, never. You can spend the rest of your life dating him, breaking up with him, going back with him and then breaking up with him again. Or you can wise up.

Tell him you’re cutting him out of your life and mean it. No more phone calls, lunches, birthday cards or “accidental” meetings. And then get on with your life.

Quit comparing your feelings for every new man with your feelings for him. Your feelings for him are exaggerated because they’re unpredictable. You have a choice to make. If you want drama, trauma and general insanity, go back with your ex. But if you want a happy, fulfilling stable relationship, cut him out like a tumor.

Got a problem? Or a question? Send it to And check out my new ebook, “Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front.”

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