Dear Abby: Married man feels lust for church associates, and wants to stop

SHARE Dear Abby: Married man feels lust for church associates, and wants to stop

DEAR ABBY: I am a happily married man. I’m also a part of my church’s worship team and at the church three times a week.

Two ladies are active in the church almost as much as I am. Every time I’m there it’s a good bet I’ll see at least one of them.

I’m ashamed to admit this, but I have lustful feelings for them. I would never act on my feelings, but I would like to get rid of them. Leaving the church is not an option. — EMBARRASSED IN KANSAS

DEAR EMBARRASSED: You seem like a very nice person. Lust is part of the human condition. It has been around since before the Old Testament was written.

Instead of feeling guilty, perhaps it’s time to accept that you are human.

Rather than quietly suffer embarrassment, it may help to discuss your feelings privately with your clergyperson. It won’t be the first time he or she has heard something like this, trust me.

Sometimes simply verbalizing uncomfortable feelings can make them diminish or go away entirely.

DEAR ABBY: A co-worker reached out to me and we started talking. He asked me on a date, and we’ve been official for about a month now.

He’s beyond amazing, but there’s a problem. He can’t express his feelings to me, or to anyone for that matter.

He’s very insecure because he used to be overweight. He hasn’t been in a relationship in forever.

I know he’s serious about us. I’m slowly falling for him, and I want it to work out. Is there anything I can do to help him get comfortable with opening up to me? — FALLING FOR HIM

DEAR FALLING: Yes. Start by remembering the two of you have been “official” for only one MONTH, and relationships — like trust — have to evolve.

Do not push him to make a commitment or declare his undying love. If you are patient, as your relationship develops, he may become more open about expressing his feelings to you. Give him time, and because workplace romances are sometimes frowned upon, give him space.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I will celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary this year. What is typical or acceptable in preparing for the celebration?

We have a 48-year-old son who has NEVER remembered dates, especially our wedding anniversaries, so I don’t expect that he’ll plan anything in our honor.

I love my wife so much I just can’t let our 50th slide by without a celebration. Would it be appropriate for me to take the lead? I feel weird setting up a party to honor myself. — SAD IN COLORADO

DEAR SAD: It is not uncommon for couples to plan and host their own anniversary parties. If you would like to celebrate your 50th surrounded by friends and family, you are free to take the initiative and do so. Or spend the money taking your bride on a cruise or other trip of a lifetime.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order “How to Have a Lovely Wedding.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

The Latest
The White Sox didn’t get a hit against Chris Paddock until the fourth inning as Twins deal the Sox’ eighth shutout of season.
Mendick, a utility infielder, has hit eight homers at Triple-A Charlotte. Lenyn Sosa, sent to minors.
After about seven and half hours of deliberations, the jury convicted Sandra Kolalou, 37, of all the charges she faced, which included first-degree murder, dismembering a body, concealing a homicidal death and aggravated identity theft. Her attorney plans to appeal.
It would be beyond shocking to this city if the Bears’ future had any other path than following Williams as a trailblazer.
The Bears will focus on quality over quantity in this week’s draft.