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Curses! On ‘Very Cavallari,’ Kristin lets f-bombs fly after store snafus

Kristin Cavallari give an earful to her store's social media director on the Aug. 26, 2018, episode of "Very Cavallari." | E!

Kristin Cavallari is a boss, baby.

In the season finale of “Very Cavallari,” K-Cav demonstrates this in more ways than one.

She’s literally the boss at the jewelry and home goods venture known as Uncommon James — both the brick-and-mortar store in Nashville and the online version.

She’s a boss when tells her perpetually laid-back hubby Jay Cutler: “I’m with you because I love you, not because I need you. … Boom. Power of the …“

And we’re cutting it off right there due to Kristin’s, um, colorful language.

Oh my goodness, does K-Cav swear like a boss — a mob boss — in this episode. At times she drops the f-bomb with more frequency than Joe Pesci in a Scorsese film.

The steady shower of expletives turns into a thunderstorm on the morning after the store’s grand opening party, when Kristin discovers social media director Shannon has made some grievous errors on the website.

She calls store manager Brittainy and says: “I’m about to lose my f—ing mind. … F—ing A. … Everything is f—ing hitting the fan!”

When Kristin arrives at the store and asks about a problem with a link, Shannon says, “I don’t have the link if I don’t know the link.”

Kristin: “Well then ask someone for the f—ing link!”

And then:

“This wasn’t a f—ing collection launch, this was a whole new line! … It got completely f—-ed. … That s— can’t keep happening — DON’T ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME SHANNON, this is f—ing real, this is all real! So don’t roll your eyes at me, this is a big f—ing deal.”

Shannon starts to cry.

K-Cav: “I’m glad you’re crying, I’m glad you give a f—. This is my whole f—ing world right now. And it got f—ed this morning.”

Like. A. Boss.

• • •

Let’s rewind to the Grand Opening bash.

“I think the store looks great!” says Reagan, the sunny office assistant. “My balloons look amazing.”

No argument here. Excellent balloon work, Reagan.

Of course there’s drama, starting with the caterer failing to show up because she thought the party was the next day.
 Call me cynical, but that seems a little contrived. Are we to believe someone given the plum assignment of catering a party for a famous reality TV star — a party where the cameras will be rolling — would somehow get the date wrong?

Anyhoo. The hastily assembled makeshift buffet includes fruit and munchies — and to the horror of Shannon, “Grocery store sushi. … It’s so ratchet.”

Grocery Store Sushi: excellent name for a band.

Ratchet: slang for “wretched.”

Then there’s the tension between store manager Brittainy and her commitment-phobic, musician boyfriend, Jon, who shows up wearing sunglasses and sporting an attitude. Jon gets tired of waiting for the food to arrive (curse you, forgetful caterer!) and tells Brittainy he’s going across the street to get some pizza.

Brittainy: “You’re leaving me on the night I worked so hard for?!”

Jon: “I’m just starving. I’ve seen you once in the last hour.”

Maybe that’s because she’s a little bit busy BEING THE MANAGER OF THE STORE.

Dude. Take off the sunglasses, stop whining like an impatient 7-year-old waiting on dinner and support your girlfriend.

• • •

Other stuff happens on this jam-packed episode. This one guy named, hold on, Mike — yep, that’s his name, Mike — proposes to K-Cav’s friend Taylor.

K-Cav’s friend Kelly lets us know “The Canadian” is no longer in the picture.

Best of luck to everyone.

As usual, breakout star J-Cut comes through with the sarcasm and the comic relief.

• Jay tells Kristin the next time Shannon messes up, “Suspend [her] for a week.”

Kristin says she can’t go without a social media person because “Instagram is a full-time job.”

“You need to STOP,” says Jay. “You need to STOP.”

• Kristin is in the kitchen, unloading the dishwasher. Jay munches on a snack and says, “What are you doing?”

“Just unloading the dishwasher,” says Kristin.

Come on Jay. Make the obvious read. This is the same problem you often had when you were the Bears’ QB.

• Jay sports a goofy stocking cap and cheap-looking sunglasses while driving Kristin to their new home in the country.

Kristin: “What [brand] are your sunglasses?”

Jay: “Awesome.”

Kristin: “Are they?”

Jay: “I’m not [entering] a contest of beauty. [They’re] functional.”

• When we get to the country house, the E! graphic says: “KRISTIN’S NEW HOME.”

Sorry Jay.

To Kristin’s delight, there’s a chandelier in the chicken coop. She calls it the coolest thing she’s ever seen and tells Jay, “Look, they’re going to be so happy in here!”

Well. If they were talking, animated chickens in a Pixar short, perhaps the chandelier would come into play. Not so sure how much impact it will have on actual chickens.

• • •

We wrap up the season with K-Cav (in fashionable white pants, ankle-high leather boots, white T-shirt and an oversized camouflage shirt that looks to be from the Jay Cutler line of Early Retirement Casual Clothing) taking a hammer to the kitchen tiles, ripping up the hideous carpet in the basement and breaking apart drywall while Jay looks on, arms crossed, smiling and doing, well, nothing.

“Oh my God,” says Kristin, before uttering one last expletive.

No doubt the house renovation will be a central plot point next year — and yes, next year is happening, as the folks at E! remind us with a closing title card saying: “Congrats, Kristin! ‘VERY CAVALLARI,’ SEASON 2, COMING 2019.”

Of course we’ll be bleeping there, you crazy bleeping bleeps.