Dear Abby: Living with sister is great, except for her boyfriend’s late-night visits

DEAR ABBY: I’m 20, and I recently moved into an apartment with my 19-year-old sister. I thought it would be a great idea because we’d get to see each other more often and we’d be more comfortable living together than with strangers. Recently, however, she has gotten a new boyfriend she brings over all the time.

I don’t like people. Having him in my home makes me feel threatened for some reason I can’t figure out, especially since he hasn’t done anything. I acknowledge that fact, and I try not to be nasty to him because of it. The problem is, he comes over during the day, and my sister also has him sneak out of his parents’ house at 2 a.m. so he can sleep here with her.

This happens almost every night, and I’m usually awake and hear them. I have told my sister I don’t like it and asked her not to do those things when I’m home, but she won’t listen. She gets upset and defensive and tries to take the blame off of herself by saying there’s nothing else they can do since I am always home.

I go to work and school most days, but at night there’s nowhere for me to be but in my bed. I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to put up with this anymore, but I can’t decide if I’m making it worse like she says. I’m thinking about moving out and finding her a new roommate, but I don’t want to offend her because I like being able to see her. What should I do? — TROUBLED SISTER IN IDAHO

DEAR SISTER: Face it: Your idea of living with your sister was a dud. Your sister is immature and unwilling to compromise. If she wants a future with this boyfriend, encouraging him to sneak out of his parents’ home to sleep with her won’t endear her to them when they catch on, which they will eventually.

It should not offend her if you explain calmly that your lifestyles are polar opposites, so you will be finding another place to live. Offering to help her find another roommate would be generous and should not offend her, but that responsibility should be hers.

DEAR ABBY: My husband never wears his wedding ring. In fact, he wears jewelry only when going out. I’ve brought this to his attention many times over the years. Most recently, I noticed he donned all his “going-out jewelry” with another ring on his right ring finger. It’s as if he consciously chose to wear all the jewelry except the wedding ring.

I have noticed this many times and have questioned it. His answer is always, “I can’t wear it with what I do for a living.” Abby, he works in an office by day and drives a boat in his spare time. Please help me clarify this. — INCOMPREHENSIBLE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR INCOMPREHENSIBLE: I’ll try. If I had to guess, this is happening because your husband doesn’t want to be easily recognized as married.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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