Double-decker cat stroller, solid gold sex toy top Cards Against Humanity sale

So you weren’t interested in fighting the crowds to grab a laptop at 25 percent off or a hot toy for $5 off. But how about a presidential mahogany casket valued at nearly $3,200 for the low, low price of $31.99? Or maybe a 50-pound wheel of cheese for $3.29?

For the hard-to-shop-for person on your list, how about a geriatric nursing doll — which could have been yours for $17.69?

Chicago-based party game company Cards Against Humanity hosted one of the more, uh, unique online shopping experiences on Black Friday, serving up bizarre goods with a whopping 99 percent-off sale.

Among the offerings: a five-day trip for two to Fiji for $71.60, a quarter-ton of dry garbanzo beans for $5.79, a life-size bust of former President Barack Obama for $5.50, a double-decker cat stroller for $2.90 and the flight suit Bill Pullman wore in “Independence Day” for $39.95.

If you were looking for more traditional Black Friday fare, you’d have been wise to go for the 85-inch LED television that sold for $34.99 at 10:10 a.m.

Or the 1.5-carat diamond engagement ring that some frugal lover snagged for $32.15 at 11:40 a.m. — along with a PSA from Cards Against Humanity that reminded bidders, “50% of marriages end in divorce.”

Someone else made off with a Bowflex home gym for $39.99. And a 2015 Ford Fiesta went for $97.50.

Cards Against Humanity representatives couldn’t immediately be reached for comment Friday, but a disclaimer on the website insisted the deals were real.

“All of these products are actually available for 99% off, and if you purchase something we will actually ship it to you,” it said, acknowledging the promo was “a financial catastrophe for our company.

“We might be losing a little money now, but in the long run, we hope to make it up in volume. We like to think we’re following in the footsteps of our hero, [Amazon founder] Jeff Bezos.”

For the sake of journalism, a deal-hungry Chicago Sun-Times reporter attempted to purchase a La-Z-Boy PowerRecline XR, but the $19.99 chair was long gone by the time the website could confirm a shipping address.

Some social media users lamented similar online obstacles as they tried to scoop up the deals, while others rejoiced over obtaining a $6,000 original Picasso lithograph for $60, and a 24-karat gold sex toy valued at $3,490 for just $34.90.

Those fortunate customers shared screenshots of sale confirmation emails saying the items would ship in three to four weeks, or “if your deal is extremely ridiculous, we’ll email you next week to figure out logistics.”

Cards Against Humanity has made waves around the holiday shopping season in the past, with campaigns selling 30,000 boxes of dried feces, as well as square-foot parcels of an island they dubbed “Hawaii 2” off the coast of Maine. Both efforts raised money for nonprofit groups.