Yeah, I watched the second Republican presidential debate Wednesday night. Seven dunces without a chance of success trying to talk over each other.
Through the cacophony, certain words kept popping out, like “agenda,” “Chicago” and “elites.” Old words with new meanings. So I worked up a quick glossary to help bring us up to speed.
agenda n. 1) the program of items to be discussed at a meeting (now obscure); 2) anything you don’t want to happen. “Joe Biden’s Green New Deal agenda” — former Vice President Mike Pence; 3) efforts by a group you loathe, often the LGBTQ community, to participate in, and therefore ruin, life activities that are your exclusive domain, like marrying, raising children, or visiting a theme park. “Hold Disney accountable for abandoning its historic mission of providing wholesome entertainment to one that is dedicated to imposing the LGBT agenda on unsuspecting children.” — Brian S. Brown, president of the National Organization for Marriage.
Chicago n. 1) an American city at the confluence of the Chicago River and Lake Michigan, its organized crime a source of endless fascination and grudging national pride, when committed by white people 100 years ago (now rare); 2) a menacing mythical place ridden with random crime whose existence tacitly undermines the value of both racial minorities and Democratic leadership. “Inner cities like Chicago ... ” — South Carolina Sen. Tim Scott.
elites pl. n. 1) rich jerks other than oneself. “Elites have open contempt for those who are not members of their rarefied class. Most of the media is in cahoots with those elites, peddling political narratives rather than pursuing the truth.” — billionaire media mogul Rupert Murdoch, presumably not speaking about himself; 2) out-of-touch bureaucrats serving in a branch of government different than one’s own. “The reason why we’re in this mess is because elites in D.C. for far too long have chosen surrender over strength.” — Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis.
hate n. the imagined impulse leading to a dire result, particularly for former President Donald Trump. By pretending, for instance, legal prosecution is the result of malice, and not due to laws being enforced, it is possible, if not persuasive, to pretend that the just desserts of one’s misdeeds is due to a conspiracy of irrational hostility and not the neutral administration of justice. “Never before have I seen such hatred toward one person by a judge.” — Eric Trump, on the ruling that his father’s business empire is based on fraud.
parental rights n. the theory that any individual parent can dictate what is taught to their child’s entire class, or school, or district, along with what books should be available to everybody. A theory used to justify retrofitting public schools into parochial schools, forgetting that every parent has a distinct viewpoint, and some actually are liberals. “Defend against government overreach and secure parental rights at all levels of government.” — Moms for Liberty pledge.
teachers union n. 1) a group of educators banding together to gain job security, higher salaries, etc. (now obscure); 2) the flaming furnace of evil whose villainy is so clear it needs no explanation. “This public school system is no longer run by the public, it’s run by the teachers union” — former New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, who in the first debate called teachers unions “the biggest threat to our country” and on Wednesday felt secure in adding, “and when you have the president of the United States sleeping with a member of the teachers union, there is no chance that you can take the stranglehold away from the teachers union every day.” Because Jill Biden is a teacher.
weaponization n. 1) the creation of weapons of war; “the weaponization of viruses” (now rare); 2) the misuse of institutional legal structures that result in yourself or someone you support being charged with a crime. “The weaponization of federal law enforcement represents a mortal threat to a free society.” — Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis.
woke adj. 1) the past participle of waken (now obscure); 2) arising from societal slumber, applied as a compliment to those who emerge from the long slumber of ignorance and become attuned to the racism, sexism, imperialism, etc., entrenched in American society (circa 2010s, regional); 3) over-aware of injustices that the speaker shrugs off as insignificant; 4) a general buzzword to ridicule any push for equality of which the speaker disapproves. “Being woke refers to waking up to invisible, alleged societal injustices ... it creates division in our country.” — businessman and Republican presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy.
