DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a friend, “Sophie,” who is cheating on her husband of 25 years. Of course, this is not our business. But now, unbeknownst to her husband, she has incorporated her lover into their everyday life. Her lover is from India and is also married. Sophie is now obsessed with all things Indian -- wearing saris, dancing in her lover’s dance troupe and wearing henna all over her body.
My husband and I are involved in a small business with Sophie and her husband, and I’m growing more uncomfortable by the day as she constantly confides to me about her and her lover’s sex life, addictions, how she’s pursued him, etc. I told her she’s playing with fire. Now I remain silent, hoping she’ll stop. Meanwhile, she’s started a new business that has incorporated him into her life on a daily basis.
We love Sophie’s husband. He’s a good and trustworthy man. I absolutely will never be the one to tell him what’s going on, but we need to get away from her. Without hurting the husband, what explanation can we give for stepping away on a business and personal level? Because he WILL ask why. He’s a kind and compassionate man who feels very close to both of us. Any gentle suggestions? — KNOWS TOO MUCH
DEAR KNOWS: Start by making yourself and your husband less available to socialize with these people. If Sophie continues to confide in you, tell her you do not approve and do not want to hear another word about her affair. You may not have to worry about keeping mum around the husband because, sooner or later, he is going to catch on to the fact that something is going on.
Because you did not mention how closely tied your financial interests are with Sophie and her husband, I will assume you are not solely dependent upon it. That is why you and your husband should consider telling Sophie’s husband that “considering the state of the economy,” your financial picture has changed, and you will need to relinquish your interest in the business. Your attorney can help you with this.
DEAR ABBY: I have an identical twin who lives in a different state. I am married; she never has been. At 62, she still demands that I live my life her way. I love her, but I’m an adult. I live by my own rules. She seems enraged that I don’t think and behave the same way she does. By the way, she works from home and sets her own schedule. I work in a call center. I would appreciate your input. — LIKES MY FREEDOM IN IOWA
DEAR LIKES: At 62, you are entitled to live your life exactly as you wish. So is your sister. You may be identical, but this does not mean you must think alike. Perhaps the next time your twin unloads on you, you should remind her of that.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Good advice for everyone — teens to seniors — is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)
