Levi Johnston opens up to a gushing Associated Press

Levi Johnston, the most famous (now former) high school hockey player this nation has ever encountered, is spilling proverbial beans about his pending fatherhood and next summer’s wedding to fiancee Bristol Palin, daughter of weekly SNL lampoon target and future popular Halloween costume Sarah Palin.

As if the pressures of being a high school dropout-turned oil field apprentice electrician aren’t enough, now Levi’s got the Associated Press hanging out in front of his home.

Luckily for Johnston, the AP apparently has a huge crush on him. He told them that he could talk to them because Palin’s handlers have backed off:

And that MySpace page that claimed he was a gun-totin’ redneck who didn’t want kids? Just a joke! His friends made it years ago without his knowledge, the AP reports. It was the media’s fault for refusing to LOL.

At various points in the article, like when they call him “a Wasilla heartthrob,” the AP gets weird:

The fine folks over at Field & Stream weren’t reached for comment, apparently. No word on whether he’d actually, in fact, be the perfect cover for Field & Stream. It’s just the Associated Press’ opinion.

We told you five weeks ago about how good Johnston’s presence in the national political spotlight was for the sport of hockey. So we say that the real tragedy in all of this is the fact that the Wasilla High School Warrior hockey team (and, let’s face it, high school hockey in general) has lost a legitimate scoring threat:

Someone’s going to have to step up, Warriors. Your season hangs in the balance.