Here is this month’s roundup of the 10 best, worst and most hilarious verbal exchanges I’ve been blessed to witness/be a part of lately:
“I think I looked like I just watched my puppy get shot.” — My friend Rusty on getting dumped.
“There are plenty of fish in the sea. And I’m not the worst person in the world.” — My friend Rusty, immediately bouncing back.
“I know I could find a girl as pretty as you, but probably not as smart.” — A statement so dense, it’s actually endearing.
“When a girl packs your lunch in just a pair of panties, I think you should return her Tupperware.” — Giving advice to another extremely dense man-friend.
“You wear an XS? But you’re not that skinny. I mean, there are skinnier girls than you.” — On a date at Lincoln Park Zoo.
“Do you guys wanna get a drink? Wanna get a drink?” — At the street corner in front of Advocate Illinois Masonic Medical Center in Lakeview.
“Hey can I get under [your umbrella]? I might melt in this rain. ‘Cause I’m like sugar. ‘Cause I’m sweet.” Walking in the rain on Clark Street in Lincoln Park, a man with a foreign accent and relatively poor English attempts a very cheesy line.
“Yo im chillin thinkin about drinkin get at me ” — A text message sent by a man to a woman he just met the night before.
“Nice legs, ma.” — Walking past a group of Lincoln Park High School boys.
“Why am I single?! I’m single because I. Chose. To. Be. I like being single. I don’t need a boyfriend!” — A beer-induced feminist rant said on a third-date at Matilda. Note: Never ever ever ask a single woman “why” she is single.