Dear Abby: Woman’s boyfriend sees men on the side during their ‘breaks’
He’s still in the closet, and she’s tempted to break up with him because he keeps secrets and can’t let go of his ex.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, “Ashton,” is bisexual. After we have fights, he takes “breaks” and uses them to be with other men. He has several friends who are bisexual or transgender. He is presently in the closet about his status because he comes from a Christian family and lives in a highly conservative area.
He was still maintaining contact last year with his on-again, off-again boyfriend, “Will,” even though he swore nothing was going on between them. He always rushed back to Will or kept him on the side during his other relationships as well. I almost broke up with him four months ago over his hanging out with Will.
Now he wants his friend “Cody,” who is a transgender male, to stay with him for several days for an upcoming concert there. I’m in the process of moving to his area, but I don’t trust him not to have sexual relations outside of ours. My straight male friends have warned me not to trust him.
Should I break up with him because I don’t feel he respects his female partners as much as he does his male ones? It also seems like he has a double standard with sharing phone details. I share mine openly, but he isn’t as open with his, which leads me to think he’s still got someone else on the side. Yet he wants me to see only him. Help! — FRUSTRATED GIRL IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR FRUSTRATED: Because someone identifies as bisexual does not mean the person is incapable of being monogamous. Ashton, however, seems to use these “breaks” to consort solely with other males. He may be using you to hide his true orientation from his Christian family. None of this bodes well for your relationship. Listen to your friends. They may have more insight into Ashton’s character than you do.
P.S. People who hide their phones often have more going on than they are comfortable revealing. Consider this another red flag, and reconsider both the move and your romance with him.
DEAR ABBY: I have a lifelong friend whose oldest child has always been led to believe that his stepmother is his mother. The stepmom has had two children of her own now, and it is clear that she treats her own kids far better. I recall example after example. When does the charade end?
I have been close friends with the kid’s dad since childhood, but that poor kid will feel betrayed when he finds out who his mother really is and that I was one of the adults who knew and kept it from him. He will be 18 soon. What can I do? — SILENCED IN THE WEST
DEAR SILENCED: Talk to the young man’s father. Point out that because of genetic testing, it’s only a matter of time until his son learns the truth about who his birth mother is, and it would be better if the news comes from his father.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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