“What is with this woman and weddings!” — Keke Palmer as a “Zodiac Council Member” named Scorpio, commenting on Jennifer Lopez’ love life in “This Is Me ... Now: A Love Story.”
If you thought that wonderfully loony and hilarious Super Bowl ad for Dunkin’ Donuts would be the craziest thing Jennifer Lopez would appear in this week, nope! Turns out it’s only her second-most bat-bleep crazy vehicle. Please allow me to introduce you to the shiny and ambitious and strange and ludicrous and trippy and occasionally fantastic “This Is Me … Now.”
Unlike that Dunkin’ spot, however, this is a Jennifer Lopez vehicle every inch of the way. (Affleck makes some brief appearances and perhaps even has a dual role, and I’ll leave it at that.) Dripping in fantasy sequences and popping with vibrantly rendered set pieces, this is a monumental ego trip as well as an admirably candid therapy session, and there’s even some amusing, self-deprecating stuff as well.
Regardless of whether you’re a diehard J. Lo fan or you’ve never understood the hype or you’re somewhere in between, this much is undeniable: Lopez been out there living a larger-than-life life for more than three decades. You think she was going to look back on her love life in quiet and reserved fashion?
“A Love Story” is a 65-minute film that plays like a long-form music video and reportedly cost some $20 million, which J. Lo put up herself. Written by Lopez and Matt Walton from a story by Lopez, Dave Meyers and Chris Shafer, with Meyers directing, this is the film companion to Lopez’s “This Is Me … Now” album (the 22-years-later follow-up to “This Is Me … Then”), with the two projects released simultaneously Friday.
Given the lavish and often gorgeous and stunning production design, the elaborately choreographed musical numbers and some movie-quality VFX, it’s easy to believe that $20 million figure.
What sometimes defies belief are the borderline campy elements, including an all-star futuristic sci-fi council featuring Jane Fonda and Keke Palmer and Sofia Vergara and Trevor Noah and Post Malone and Neil deGrasse Tyson, among others. Each is named after a zodiac sign, and they sport costumes out of a 1980s sci-fi movie as they observe and comment on J. Lo’s various romances, which are all thinly disguised albeit stylized and fictionalized takes on her various real-life relationships through the years.
(For those of you keeping score, and this film all but demands we keep score: Lopez has been engaged six times and married four times and has been involved in a handful of other high-profile romances. To which we say: GOOD FOR HER. Although in some cases it turned out to be BAD FOR HER.)
There’s no false modesty anywhere to be found in this vehicle, starting with the star’s billing: “Jennifer Lopez as Artist.” After a dream/fantasy sequence set in a kind of steampunk world where all the factory workers are women and they seem to be keeping some giant mechanical heart beating, we’re plunged into the Real World or an approximation thereof, with J. Lo, I mean Artist, in a therapy session with Fat Joe, who is quite funny in the role.
In a number titled “This Time Around,” Artist is involved in a toxic relationship with a man (Gilbert Saldivar) who is verbally abusive and possibly violent — but she is finally able to break free. We then cut to the aforementioned Council, where Noah’s Libra laments, “Libra and Leo are supposed to work, it’s a thing!,” Jane Fonda’s Sagittarius exclaims, “Why does she always need to be with somebody?” and Vergara’s Cancer notes, “Sometimes I chew my hair.” For. No. Reason.
In a lively and self-referential wedding dance sequence set to “Can’t Get Enough,” Artist is seeing dancing with one, two, three different husbands, as her friends make comments along the lines of, “Third time’s a charm,” “This guy don’t stand a chance,” and, “Don’t catch [the wedding bouquet], it’s cursed.”
Artist finds herself alone, watching “The Way We Were” on a continuous loop, and then attending a Love Addicts Anonymous meeting, and now we get a number titled “Broken Like Me,” and I’m fairly certain this is the first time there’s been a choreographed music sequence set in a group therapy session.
There’s a beagle named Fluffy. At one point, Artist exclaims, “I Hate Weddings.” References are made to previous J. Lo pop hits. Jenny, er, Artist, returns to the block and encounters the childhood version of herself (Bella Gagliano). Through it all, Artist maintains it might be crazy to believe in One True Love, but she’ll never lose faith.
Now, that’s something even the DunKings could get behind.
