Who knocked off Roger Goodell? Round up the usual suspects

The Tuesday tweet was succinct, the hashtag classy.

We regret to inform our fans that our commissioner, Roger Goodell, has passed away. He was 57. #RIP

My question is not who hacked the NFL’s Twitter feed. It’s who would want the commissioner dead.

Well, not dead-dead. But dead as in out of their lives.

You can start with Patriots owner Robert Kraft, Patriots coach Bill Belichick and especially Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, who has defended himself in the Deflategate scandal as if he has been wrongly accused of first-degree murder. They view Goodell as an out-of-control prison warden.

The citizens of St. Louis would have motive. They’re still upset with Goodell and the league for allowing Rams owner Stan Kroenke to move his team to Los Angeles, even though St. Louis came up with funding for a new stadium that Kroenke wanted.

Pot smokers are usually chill, but they can’t be happy with Goodell, who enforces the league’s drug policy. Even though marijuana is legal in several states, it’s an illegal substance according to the NFL. Several players have recently called for it to be taken off the banned list, but Goodell continues to harsh their mellow.

Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman had this to say about a Goodell proposal that would give an automatic ejection to any player who picks up two personal fouls in a game:

“It sounds like something somebody who’s never played the game would say, something that they would suggest, because he doesn’t understand. He’s just a face. He’s just a suit. He’s never stepped foot on the field and understood how you can get a personal foul.’’

Let’s bring Sherman in for questioning.

Any mother in America whose son plays or played football might have dark thoughts about Goodell, seeing as how, for years, he led the NFL’s see-no-evil approach to concussions.

Come to think of it, all women would have reason to want to see Goodell taken out (figuratively!). Remember, he was the guy who suspended Ray Rice for only two games after the then-Ravens running back knocked out his fiancée.

No shortage of potential suspects. Now it comes down to good old-fashioned detective work.