Dear Abby: Time to bail out of this nowhere relationship

SHARE Dear Abby: Time to bail out of this nowhere relationship

DEAR ABBY: I have been having an affair with a married man for eight years. At first, both of us were married, but my husband died two years ago. Since then, my lover and I have grown closer, but he won’t leave his wife because of his kids.

I love him dearly, but cannot go on living life this way. He doesn’t want me to see other people. Every time I try to end it, he talks me out of it and makes me feel guilty for trying. I need help, please. — MESSED UP IN MINNESOTA

DEAR MESSED UP: The little voice that’s telling you you can’t go on living this way is your rational thinking. The one that’s talking you out of moving on is coming from a selfish individual who is thinking only of his own interests and not yours.

As it stands, your lover has a harem. If that’s fine with you, I can’t change your mind. But if it isn’t, remove the blinders from your eyes and end this romance because it is going nowhere and probably never will.

DEAR ABBY: I’m in a quandary. Many years ago, we rescued a precious 4-year-old and her newborn brother from a horrific living situation and tried to adopt them. After more than a year and 16 contentious court hearings, we were devastated when the court returned them to their mother.

I’m sure they have no idea how hard we fought for them, and I still love them dearly and keep tabs on them as best I can. The girl is now 18, and I am retiring and will be moving away. I have a bin of baby things, school mementos, etc. for each of them that I’ve kept all these years, and which I will return to them.

However, I also have the many photographs that documented their indescribable living conditions, the police reports, the court documents, etc. I strongly feel these should be destroyed, because to see and read this graphic information would be far too traumatic and would serve no good purpose.

What do you think? Is it right to withhold this from them? — HOLDING ON IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HOLDING ON: I don’t believe in withholding information, so before you do, I think you should tell the young woman what you have and let her make the final decision about what should be done with it.

DEAR ABBY: I have heard this but never believed it: When a woman is beautiful, men are afraid to ask her out for fear that they will be turned down. I am 65, and all my life I have (luckily) been told that I am beautiful. I have imperfections, but if I were a man, I would be proud to be seen with me. Men stutter around me, so they don’t ask me out. I attract younger men, but I live in a small town and I wouldn’t want to start rumors. Please tell me what you think about my dilemma, and will I ever find a soul mate. — WONDERING IN GEORGIA

DEAR WONDERING: You will find a soul mate after you stop worrying about what people say about you. At your age, eligible men are scarce, so if someone younger shows interest, don’t make your decisions on outdated stereotypes, take him up on it!

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: “Abby’s Favorite Recipes” and “More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $14 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

The Latest
Recent “worst case” estimates say Chicago Public Schools could lose 15,000 students next year.
No jurors were seated Monday. But after court, Kelly defense attorney Jennifer Bonjean said the jury pool had already been tainted by mentions of Kelly’s previous conviction in court.
“It’s very important to me,” Cease said of matchup with Verlander
Never satisfied, veteran point guard leads Sky into playoffs
One man, 24, was taken to a hospital in critical condition.