Skip the eclipse (or don't)

“Turkey in the Straw” is a terrible song. Grating, plodding, particularly when plinked out on a toy piano. It’s also an old minstrel tune, to add an extra layer of offensiveness.

And yet it moves me. In summertime, as I hear the sound, or, even worse, “Pop Goes the Weasel,” dopplering toward me, and some powerful primal urge makes me want to grab money — well, really run to my mother and beg her to give me 50 cents, but that isn’t a possibility — then rush outside to buy a Chocolate Eclair bar from the ice cream truck. You have to hurry, or you’re going to miss it. By the time you hear the music, your chance is already passing by. I don’t even like chocolate eclair bars, not being 8 anymore. No matter. Now is the moment to act.

I call that reaction — the urge to grab something you don’t even want because your window of opportunity is limited —"The Ice Cream Truck Reflex,” and it’s a useful term to remember when confronting any rare, fleeting event, such as this damn solar eclipse Monday afternoon, which I am hoping to muster the strength to avoid, and I am giving you permission to miss, too.

First, been there, done that. In August 2017 I drove down to Carbondale — with my entire family in tow — and occupied a spartan dorm room at Schneider Hall, which Southern Illinois University charged us $800 for three nights in classic soak-the-strangers fashion. (A bargain, actually. The Carbondale Holiday Inn charged $550 a night). For the big moment, we jammed into Saluki Stadium — along with 14,000 other dupes — and kudos for SIU contriving to charge visitors $25 for the privilege of watching what they could see just as well for free by standing in the parking lot and looking up.

Photo by Neil Steinberg

Or not see. The day was cloudy. Though that, too, built up the tension, released during the 10 seconds or so when the clouds parted and we actually eyeballed the eclipse. What was it like? “Hot, sweaty, exciting to see bite out of r. side of sun,” I noted in my journal. “V. dramatic.”

Was it worth three days? Plus that $800 dorm room, and the other expenses (paid for by the paper, true, but I was still offended, on its behalf).

Almost anything you do with your family is by definition worthwhile. A lot changes in seven years — I’d drive back to Carbondale right now for three days if, through some magic, the boys could be unchained from their respective legal oars and lured back home. The fact that something noteworthy might occur in the sky would just be icing on the cake.

So why not look now? Being safety-conscious, I’m worried about blinding myself. A partial eclipse, such as that seen in the Chicago area, even for a few seconds can permanently damage your eyesight. If your eclipse glasses are a cheap knockoff, you can burn your retinas. Is a momentary marvel worth the risk of harming your eyesight forever?

A marvel that really isn’t that marvelous when you think about it. Just as a Chocolate Eclair bar doesn’t come close to a bowl of real ice cream that can be bought any time at the Graeter’s two blocks away, so a solar eclipse isn’t nearly as spectacular as a good sunset. It’s just rare.

Rare can be good. Fifty years ago, I made a point to step outside my house to see Comet Kohoutek, a big deal in 1973. The thing itself was almost nothing — a faint streak of light. But I saw it, or thought I saw it, and to this day remember standing there, by the sliding glass door in the rec room my father built with his own hands at the back of our suburban ranch house, gazing up at the night sky.

Does an eclipse matter? It does if we say it does. The boys are gone. My wife will be downtown Monday, at work. Maybe that’s the trouble: There is something sad about witnessing a marvel alone. So I won’t. Unless I do. Grab a cereal box at 2 p.m. — near totality in Chicago is at 2:07 p.m. — quickly construct a pinhole viewer and rush into the front yard to see the crescent shadow wax and wane, secondary and solitary and threadbare though the experience might be. Pretend it matters. Maybe there will be a neighbor or two in the street, and we can jawbone while waiting for the celestial spheres to align. You never know unless you go find out.

More Solar Eclipse 2024 Coverage

Environment

Sky high: Solar eclipse ‘holiday’ sparks exhilaration and emotions across Chicago, southern Illinois

With sunny skies and a high of 71 degrees, students, workers and families across Chicago took a break from their daily routines to marvel at the partial eclipse. Tinley Park resident made the trip downstate to view the total eclipse. “I don’t know how to describe it other than just the word ‘wow,’” King said.

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Transportation

Heavy traffic fails to cast shadow over eclipse travel experience: 'It was 100% worth the trip'

A few hours after the total eclipse brought thousands of spectators to downstate Illinois, traffic remained heavy on some interstates.

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Outdoors

Nature dared not disappoint as southern Illinois experiences its second recent solar eclipse

As darkness descended Monday in the path of totality, the air cooled, a bullfrog hummed a bass line and birds of all kinds called out to mark the occasion.

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Some, but not all, White Sox take in spectacular total eclipse

The eclipse was the thing — the Sox were the guests — for the Guardians’ home opener.

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Solar eclipse 2024: Live updates from Chicago and beyond

On Monday afternoon, a total solar eclipse will halt the day in its tracks as millions of people tilt their heads to the sky. Follow updates on the eclipse, traffic impacts and reactions from residents.

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News

Want to see the solar eclipse in Chicago? Here's what to know, where to go

The Chicago area will experience a partial eclipse on April 8. Downstate, Carbondale will be in the path of totality, in which the view of the moon completely blocks the sun, for the second time in 10 years.

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News

Stars align for clear skies in Chicago for Monday's solar eclipse

Monday’s forecast for Chicago is “looking to be really good,” the National Weather Service said, with mostly sunny skies and a high near 66 degrees. Downstate Carbondale, in the eclipse’s path of totality, should have good visibility as well, meteorologists said.

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Technology

Use these tips to photograph the eclipse and avoid damaging your phone or camera

Most phone cameras automatically adjust exposure, making eclipse photography difficult with only 4 minutes. Taking more test shots in the days before the eclipse will save time.

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Columnists

Skip the eclipse (or don't)

With the media chorus urging you in close harmony to ogle Monday’s solar eclipse, here’s some rare official permission to ignore the whole thing.

By Neil Steinberg

 

Nation/World

From Krispy Kreme to SunChips, more and more companies roll out total solar eclipse promotions

The doughnut maker will partner with Oreo on an eclipse-themed product. Delta and Southwest airlines are offering flights in the path of totality, and a special MoonPie will be on shelves.

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News

Chicago-area solar eclipse hunters plan trek south to take in totality: ‘You have to experience it’

An estimated 100,000 to 200,000 people are expected to descend on southern Illinois, where the eclipse’s path of totality will pass early Monday afternoon. Southern Illinois University is holding a four-day party.

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Environment

Warby Parker offering free solar eclipse-viewing glasses

The glasses will be available at all Warby Parker locations while supplies last starting Monday until the day of the eclipse April 8.

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Health

Staring at solar eclipse can damage your eyes for months if you don't use protection, Chicago doctors say

Doctors say looking at the April 8 eclipse without approved solar glasses — which are many times darker than sunglasses — can lead to retinal burns and can result in blind spots and permanent vision loss.

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White Sox

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The White Sox are the Cleveland Guardians’ guests for their home opener at Progressive Field on April 8, which means the visitors will have front-row seats for a rare phenomenon — a total solar eclipse.

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News

Cloudy skies in Chicago area could impede view of the solar eclipse

A storm is expected to move from the southern Rockies to the Midwest Sunday and may leave some lingering clouds Monday.

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